IN WHICH WE TALK REVISIONS

Mad Men.

Except not that kind. I'm up to my eye balls in that sort of revision, so I figured I would talk about something different.

This summer has been both rewarding and disappointing in terms of movies. There've been great hits (Harry Potter, I'm looking at you), crazy misses (why Sucker Punch, why?) - but over all, I and the sisters have been pleased. More often than not we've walked out of the theater thinking those $11 were well spent. But we've noticed something else, too - Hollywood likes to revise history. A lot.

It took a while before I noticed - for a while I was just glad that there were characters of color who a) didn't die off in the first half of the film or b) weren't cast as villains (and even some of my favorites couldn't deliver on this). But whenever I and the sisters sat down to discuss some of our favorite films of the summer, there was always that - something that was clearly inaccurate, or omitted. X-Men: First Class was a fantastic movie - great characterization, and the writers did a fantastic job of weaving the history of the '60's with the imagined world of the mutants. But there was a gaping hole - during the Cold War, and the Cuban Missile Crisis, Darwin's death and Angel's defection from the X-Men to what would become the Brotherhood of Mutants - the Civil Right's Movement. Gone. As if it had never existed or wouldn't impact the lives of the mutants (especially Darwin's, Angel's and Erik's).

More recently we went to see Captain America (okay film, more set up than anything else). Lo and behold, there is an African American who is part of the core team (yay!), fits no stereotypes, speaks French and attended university before he was drafted. But, as an op-ed pointed out in the New York Times, the United States Military wasn't integrated during the second World War. The African American men that were allowed to fight were segregated from white units for fear of polluting the rest of the military. Seeing Gabe Jones' character accepted and celebrated among his fellow soldiers (and not dead), though refreshing, was false. And it made me wonder: why write it that way? Why turn away from years of painful history? Why ignore it when the entire story is about wanting to belong, and loss and displacement?

Something I hear a lot from many different people doing different things is this: we live in post-race America. Our president is African American. People of color are doing all sorts of amazing things. There was the civil rights movement! Why are you guys (you guys being minorities, people of color, etc) so upset/angry/bitter about things that are no longer happening? Racism doesn't exist!

And so on and so forth. This is, of course, not true. But it becomes a little difficult to disprove, and very easy to see where these assumptions come from when the media depicts a world where racism never existed. How can it exist now, how can it be a fight we're still fighting, when it didn't exist then? And it makes me uncomfortable and sad that Hollywood erases these stories and in doing so, makes them irrelevant (or at least helps in making them so).

This is the reason I love Mad Men. The show is littered with moments of discomfort for the viewer - but it's accurate. The show depicts men and women dealing with misogyny and racism and the ways in which they work through that. It shows that we are now here because we were once there. And I think that is incredibly important.

What about you all? Opinions? Comments? Disagreement? I want to hear it!

Further reading: My Very Own Captain America, and Go#%$ Hollywood!

THE OTHER: I'M NOT IT

My skin is blue. No really. 

I was talking to my younger sister, as I'm wont to do. We were discussing possible plots for future books I may write (I want to do a magical super hero sort of thing one day, a la Sailor moon) (don't laugh at me!) (it's a viable story plot!). Somehow, talk turned to witches and having a Muslim girl as the main character and how would the two fit together? 'I don't like tackling identity issues because I've never experienced it,' I said. 'And I feel like I would have to do that with a Muslim character.'

And my sister said something that will probably impact my writing forever:

If you're not white [in books] you're always trying to come into your identity. But if you're white, you just are.

 Growing up, my sisters and I didn't have any of the problems that a number (not all, but certainly some) of the 'multicultural' characters in YA fiction had. We didn't struggle with our identities; there was no struggle of finding if we were Arab or Muslim (and they are different) or American or African American. We were all of those things together at the same time. There was never a point in my life where I felt like I had to choose between being one thing or the other - these different things coexisted peacefully inside of me.

The things that my sisters and I struggled with growing up were universal. Our relationships with our parents, if we were wearing nice clothes, who we were friends with, who we weren't friends with. I never identified with the character struggling to straddle two worlds or cultures. I couldn't, because it wasn't part of my experience. And I don't think the experience of peaceful coexistence in a child of many cultures is unique to my family.

I strive to put characters of differing backgrounds and cultures in what I write because that's what I know and I think it's a truthful representation of the world we live in. But not every child of Chinese descent living in America wages an internal battle with their identity. Not every Muslim struggles to balance religion and the culture that is America (in fact, I haven't met any that do - but that may simply be my experience).

Books that depict young adults from different backgrounds struggling to balance America and their origins are relevant and valid and so important for the young adults that are going through that experience. But they're not the only kind that young adults need. I want to read more about Hispanic characters that are Hispanic and secure in that; who experience other struggles that are universal to the American teenage experience. I want to read about Muslim girls who, like me, knew they were Muslim when they sixteen and loved that they were Muslim; whose biggest problem was does that guy like me? Is my best friend still my best friend? Why won't my mom loosen her leash?

The human experience is universal and I think sometimes writers want so much to make sure that they're inclusive of the 'other' that they forget: those of us that are of different cultures are not 'other'. We're people who share the same experiences that the majority do. And most of the time, being born of another culture isn't the thing weighing on our minds. Sometimes its can we save the world? Will I get a car? And OMG I hate my physics teacher would she please just die!?

NOT MY PROBLEM

So it seems that my week of rage shall continue. Or that this week is closing in that way. Because that's what I am right now. Enraged. Furious. Ready to bust the windows out of someone's car.

There is a man who comes into the office every few days - he's a FedEx dude, I believe - and is fairly friendly. Not bad, skeevy friendly, but genuinely friendly. Says hello and good bye and always wishes me a 'blessed day' and says it all with a smile. Today, as I was walking out of the office to go to a meeting (that was not mine to go to, but as the faithful work-study, I go where I'm told), he said 'Sister, it's so nice to see women who dress the way you do.' I smile because that is the polite thing to do. And for those of you that don't know, I dress fairly conservatively. Headscarf, long skirts, long sleeves - that sort of thing. Oh, but the FedEx dude is not finished! 'It's so refreshing,' he continues, 'to see modesty. Those other women! How can they blame us for treating them the way we do when they dress that way!'

Excuse me.

Allow me to make something incredibly clear. The way I or any other woman dresses, is not your problem. The only way that you are allowed to treat any woman is with dignity and respect. If her way of dressing offends you, look somewhere else. There's the sky, the ground, a brick wall and that sign on the corner. Also, the way that you're going. You could look where you're going. Not at my skirt or my headscarf. Not at her shorts or low cut shirt. Not at the stiletto heels or flip flops or monkey covered socks.

The way that you feel, the way that you act: you are responsible for that. Not me. Not her. Not them. You. I will not be an excuse for your actions. Not now. Not ever.

If you are disgusted or offended or disillusioned by the way a woman dresses, lower your gaze. It is not an excuse to verbally or physically assault her. It is not an excuse for disgusting actions. The way she dresses is her business. Your business is to control yourself, your mouth and your actions. 

However that makes you feel, deal with it. Suck it up. Stop blaming women for making you uncomfortable. Stop trying to justify horrible crimes and blaming someone for enjoying the way they look. My only responsibility when I wake up in the morning to get dressed is to make sure that I'm comfortable with the clothes I'm wearing. Not that the world is comfortable with what I'm wearing. And the way I dress is most certainly not a way to assuage your conscience or make you feel comfortable enough to look at me.

Stop looking for excuses and start thinking. Before I bust the windows in your face.

LOVE IS SERIOUS B'NESS

So I am just bloggerty-mcbloggerton this week. Even though it's only Tuesday. But I'm going to call myself bloggerty-mcbloggerton because it's 6:30 in the effing morning and I don't want to be up right now. But this topic is screaming in my head and knowing me I'll dose until 10 o'clock and when I get to work (where I usually write up blog topics) it will have slipped out of my head like purple, yucky,brain goo. So blogging at 6:30 am it is.

We all know about trends in YA. We learn them, we love them, we hate them, we follow them religiously, hoping that our book will be the next trend-setter. Sometimes it pays to be trend followers. But yes. Trends are there. And we all know it.

And one trend that has got to go is: girl meets boy. Girl thinks boy is hot. Twenty seconds pass in which girl evaluates hotness of said boy. Girl professes love of boy to boy because boy is hot.

I feel like there is this misconception that is slithering through some (not all) YA writers' minds that teenagers, and more specifically teenage girls, don't know how to love deeply. That teenagers as a whole are a shallow breed and it doesn't take much for them to profess the L word outside of a hot car, smoldering eyes and a rockin' chest. That teenagers throw the L word around like it's nobodies business because, HEY! THEY'RE TEENAGERS, and they don't understand the weight that comes behind that yet. Because their amigdalas aren't fully formed yet. Or something. I don't know.

When my friends and I were sixteen we were talking about love all the time. It was on our minds like...like something that is always on something else. We talked about it, we watched it on television, we read about it in books. It was everywhere. Of course it was everywhere. It was (and still is) The Great Ideal (when done right). But even at the tender age of sixteen we were saying, 'Love is serious. You don't just throw that word around.' As in, a hot chest (no matter how chiseled) does not a love match make. Ever. You can like someone and you can lust someone but love takes time and commitment and work. And at sixteen we knew that.

And I'm not saying that sixteen year olds don't love or can't love because it's so heavy. I'm saying the exact opposite. And I'm saying that they have enough awareness of self and the world around them that the average, intelligent teenager is not going to go throwing that word around (the word being Love) unless there is a reason. To review: hot chest (or any other body part or combination thereof) does not equate a reason.

And to me the most upsetting part of this trend is that it is teaching girls (because most of these books are written for girls) that a) you don't have to aspire high or deeply for love, b) you don't have the ability to look beyond that and you don't need to, and c) that it's not okay to lust without love.

All three of those are lies. No matter a persons age, they should always, always aspire higher. Love is a selfish thing, and in my opinion it is always okay to look for a relationship that is not only physically satisfying, but emotionally satisfying (to you by the way, not the party involved. Ultimate love is reached when it's that way for both but you should be looking for you). When looking for love these should go together and not exclude each other. But it should also be okay for a girl or a guy to go 'that person is so, so hot, holy macaroni!' or whatever, without having to feel guilty for that thought and automatically connecting it to love.

Teenagers can love! But they don't have to.

And I wouldn't have written about this if I didn't think it was an actual problem in YA. And it didn't hit me as a problem that stemmed from these misconceptions about teenagers until (and I kid you not) a YA author in my twitterfeed tweeted something to the extent of 'I keep trying to develop this romance between my main character and the love interest. Then it hit me, they're teenagers. There doesn't have to be much development.'

Guys. GUYS! Teenagers have more emotional depth than a teaspoon. They are intelligent and they are aware. Stop treating them like dumb sheep and start thinking about them as fully formed or forming individuals with capacity and depth. Stop writing down or at them and start writing to them.

And oh my God, if you haven't already go talk to one. Remember what it was like to be one. Did you drop the L word like it was nobody's business? Did you?


ETA: I put this in the comments but I know not everyone reads the comments so I figured I'd put it here:

Thing is, I don't mind fast love. For instance - in Shiver Sam and Grace were in love super fast. M. Stiefvater took the time and energy to establish that Grace loved Sam not because he was super hot, but because he was sweet and kind and respectful and was a musician. Sam loved Grace not because she was beautiful but because she was strong and independent. And I wish that *this* sort of fast love was the sort that ran rampant through YA. Because it takes the ideal of immediate LETS BE IN LOVE with 'but why are we in love? do I have the ability to look beyond gorgeous eyes?' And they do and it's beautiful. Sam and Grace have both an emotionally and physically satisfying relationship. 

 And to illustrate this point is a beautiful post by the author herself on Love and if Sams actually exist, here.

TEENAGERS SCARE ME (EXCEPT NOT REALLY)

HOMG WHEN DID I GET NINETY FOLLOWERS?! I kind of want to faint at all the awesome that frequents this blog. You guys. REALLY. A bunch of awesome awesome awesome. It might inspire me to hold a back to school giveaway in September with some of my ALA loot. Heehee. So yeah. Keep it up with the awesome. It makes me happy.

Also. Yet another op-ed article sort of thing should be forthcoming, inspired by a conversation with a few of my crit group members. But in the mean time: a rant. Sort of. I don't like ranting. I prefer rambling. Hopefully it'll be more of the second instead of the first.

So. Teenagers. I was one, once. Two months ago. And sometimes I still find myself thinking of myself as a teenager and not an adult. Even though I'm doing adult things like working and saving up money and thinking about graduate school and trying to be dignified where I can. But it's only been two months and I'm not even legal yet. So. Teenagers. I kind of still am one.

I have been reading, according to my parents, since the time I was strong enough to pull my dad's chemistry books off the shelf and stare at the letters. In my twenty years of living (because that is a lot of living guys. really.) I've read widely. Science fiction. Epic fantasy. Contemporary. Romance. Chick lit. Mystery. Classics. Words are words and when they're strung together nicely and coherently I can usually enjoy them and enjoy them well.

So. Excuse me if and when I take offense to the idea that a teenager doesn't have the emotional and/or mental depth to deal with complex and layered ideas. And that, following that, the writing of the young adult genre should be written down to them.

I really don't understand this idea. I really, really don't.

Being a teenager doesn't equal being stupid. Being stupid equals being stupid. Being a teenager means that maybe you lack life experience, your mind is probably still developing, and you are dealing with issues that may or may not differ from that of adults.

A teenager can understand and comprehend racism and can react to it the same way an adult can. With bigotry or compassion. A teenager can understand and react to love the same way an adult can. They can make stupid decisions regarding their partner (lord knows adults do this all the fraking time) or with wisdom and understanding. Teenagers understand and comprehend world problems (whether they care is a different matter. And if you think all teenagers don't, then you're not talking to the right ones). They understand right and wrong. They have the capability to make tough decisions in tough times.

A lack of years doesn't mean that there is a lack of the ability to rationalize and think and act. It doesn't mean that there is a lack of comprehension.

Teenagers see the world differently, sometimes, yes. A break up with a boyfriend or a split between best friends sometimes seems like the end of the world to us them. But does that really negate their intelligence, and their ability to digest deep, complex issues? Does that make them any less able to understand hate and fear and love and that there are big, bad, terrible things in the world? Does that make them any less able to deal with them?

No. Hell no. Absolutely not.

And if you think so you're not looking hard enough or seeing deep enough.

ON FAITH, CHOICE & SEXUALITY

I have so many things that I want to talk about today that I had to go ahead and make a list. These topics have all been battling with each other the past few days and I had no idea which one I wanted to pick and it was all very stressful.

Then I saw an article in the newspaper this morning. And I made up my mind. But before that I saw a vlog which also made up my mind (and I didn't even know it).

I need candy before I can start to tell you about this opinion.

So, the young adult literature world has (for some time) been all abuzz with talk about female sexuality. It's a hot topic that's been debated and talked about and explored forever. I have very strong opinions about it, about who gets to regulate it (if anyone at all) and whether or not women have it (because, apparently, some people think that women don't have red hot blood running through their veins.  or hormones.). And when you boil it down, my opinion is this: choice and freedom.


I think it says a lot about the world over (not just some cultures, but by and large all) that there are a million and one ways to call a girl promiscuous and thereby degrade her character. I haven't heard one yet that does that to men.

In the past few months news has been trickling in  from Europe about legislation to ban the hijab (Islamic headscarf) and people are rallying around it.They're saying 'Yes! Finally a way to liberate the women who are left behind!'

In the past few years, people have been making a move for greater sexual freedom and encouraging girls that it's okay to have a sexuality, it's okay to be sexual, in fact you should be sexual or you're weird.

I have news for these people (both the Europeans and the encouragers). You're both wrong. Because when it comes down to it - a woman's sexuality, how she acts (or doesn't act) on it, and how she represents it is up to her.

In most western, developed countries, a lot of emphasis is put on choice and the naturally following freedom of choice. And yet, left and right, the media, the world, the culture pressures girls to act one way or another. You must have the sexual appeal of such and such  famous actress. But, if you have this appeal, you will be a slut, and everyone will shun you and oh, by the way, you're inviting rape. On the other hand, if you don't have this appeal there's a guy in your life that's abusing and controlling and wants you all to himself.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with dressing the way you want. If you want to dress in mini-skirts and tear up the town and all that, it's your choice and your right. And if you want to cover up, and save yourself until marriage, that is also your choice and your right. It is up to no one but the woman what path she wants to follow and subscribe to.

As a Muslim, I choose to wear the headscarf, I choose to remain a virgin until I get married and I choose that I will shank any man that thinks I'm going to do different. Similarly, another friend can choose to sleep with her boyfriend, she can choose to wear tight clothes and strut her stuff, and she can choose to laugh in the face of the people who thinks she's wrong for doing so.

I think that as a world we need to stop trying to simultaneously suffocate and liberate our girls and women. Educate them. Let them choose. Don't make girls feel like they're sluts for choosing a sexual life. And don't make girls feel guilty for choosing to pick  one sexual partner and stick with them. For not wanting to flaunt her body for you. 


This guys, this is my fraking body, okay? God gave it to me. If I want to cover it up, you gonna have to suck it up and deal with it. If I want to flaunt it, guess what - you're still going to have to suck it up. As a woman of faith, I believe that God gave everyone free will. He gave us the ability to choose. And the choices I make, or anyone makes, are between myself and God. You can judge. You can make your disapproval known. But you cannot force me to do something other than what I choose. That is not your place. It's not your right.

Stop - stop - trying to get girls and women to fit your vision of what they should be. Women have a sexuality. And they have a right to flaunt it. But they also have a right to hide it from you. They have a right to draw lines or cross them. They have a right to be and the world needs to  start understanding that trying to force regulation of that is going to hurt them. You're not liberating or enlightening anyone. You're making them angry. And you're taking away their right to practice the lifestyle that they choose.

I, WOMAN

Throughout Hush, Hush, Nora is a textbook case of the behavior Fugitivus describes:

If women are raised being told by parents, teachers, media, peers, and all surrounding social strata that:

* it is not okay to set solid and distinct boundaries and reinforce them immediately and dramatically when crossed (“mean bitch”)

* it is not okay to appear distraught or emotional (“crazy bitch”)

* it is not okay to make personal decisions that the adults or other peers in your life do not agree with, and it is not okay to refuse to explain those decisions to others (“stuck-up bitch”)

* it is not okay to refuse to agree with somebody, over and over and over again (“angry bitch”)

* it is not okay to have (or express) conflicted, fluid, or experimental feelings about yourself, your body, your sexuality, your desires, and your needs (“bitch got daddy issues”)

* it is not okay to use your physical strength (if you have it) to set physical boundaries (“dyke bitch”)

* it is not okay to raise your voice (“shrill bitch”)

* it is not okay to completely and utterly shut down somebody who obviously likes you (“mean dyke/frigid bitch”)

If we teach women that there are only certain ways they may acceptably behave, we should not be surprised when they behave in those ways. And we should not be surprised when they behave these ways during attempted or completed rapes.

- Aja of  Bookshop in her post Bad Romance

This is another topic that I've been hesitant to write about. The first one being here. But last night, my friends and I got talking and I realized that it wasn't something that anyone should not talk about. So here I am. Talking (or writing) about it.

Late last night, my BFFLs and I were trading stories as girls often do. One in particular was about a cousin (not mine) who had been talking to another guy that we all knew from Facebook regularly. They were discussing a club that they were both in and he kept asking her to meet at a restaurant on campus to talk in person instead of just online. For whatever reason, this made the girl very, very uncomfortable.

"Well, why doesn't she just tell him she doesn't want to meet up with him?" says I.

"She's really straightforward in everything else, except guys. She doesn't know how," says the BFFL. 

Um...what? So, the rest of the conversation goes like this:

"This is the problem with a lot of girls. They're taught to be polite at the cost of their own comfort. And if they're not, they're considered a bitch," says I. 

"Speaking of," second friend chimes in. "I felt really bad for XXX when you told him to sit down after he offered to walk you to the metro." 

(Also, I promise this is all connected.) 

So does anyone see the bridge here between the conversation we were having, to the conversation that second friend started? No? I will give you another story. 

A very large group of us went out to dinner about forty five minutes (via train) from where we live. It was getting late, the mother realized I was still out and demanded that I return to campus immediately. Being the good girl that I was, I picked up my purse, said my good byes, and prepared to leave. It was dark outside, it was shady, but I could handle myself. Despite that (and I'm not saying this is a bad thing) a guy stood up and told me he was going to walk me to the metro. He didn't want me walking the few blocks alone in the dark and so he was going to do it. My response? Sit yo' ass down. I can handle myself. I don't need you to walk me to the metro. 

Basically, my friend (who I love dearly) consciously or subconsciously thinks I'm a bitch for turning him down. And it isn't this specific incident that made her think that. It's that in  general, I have a very hard line towards the male gender. If you're in my space I'll tell you. If you say something that makes me uncomfortable I'll tell you. If you treat me like you have a claim on me, I will disabuse you of that notion very quickly. 

But, to my shock and disappointment, this isn't something that most girls do. Most girls are taught to be polite and not cause a problem, even if it costs them their physical safety and dignity. Most girls, if guys bother them, say, 'No, no. It's okay. It's not a big deal.'

Uh. Excuse me? It's not a big deal? Who is telling you that? And why are they telling you this? Where the hell did this idea come from? If a guy is bothering you, what you're supposed to do is tell them to leave you the hell alone. Not grin and bear it. And I find it incredibly depressing that this idea of grinning and bearing it is such a part of our culture that it's made it's way into young adult literature.  

Guys. Do you know that people are reading what you write?  Did you know that? And did you know that when you have a main character that allows herself to be stalked and thinks it mother-fraking sexy that you're teaching girls that its okay to be stalked? You're reinforcing this idea that girls should grin and bear it and carry on. 

I, personally, have hard and fast rules for myself about the way women and men interact. If I can touch you  when I stick my arm out, you're too close. If you're being vulgar to or around me, you had best leave before I say something. Also, I don't know who you are or where you come from, but I'm not your problem, I'm not your responsibility, and I sure as hell ain't your goddamn property. So take your hands off of me, step back and don't tell me what to do 'cause I don't have a problem telling you where you can take that macho mess and stuff it. 

Mothers, you should be teaching this to your daughters. Women, you should be looking out for each other and telling each other that it's okay to  get an attitude and that your safety is so much more important than whether or not you fluster a few people. 

And writers. You're not obligated to write anything but what you want to write. But take a good, hard look at what you're writing. What is the message you're sending out? What are you telling both the girls and the boys that are reading your work? Are you helping reinforce the idea that it's okay for a girl to be silent and harassed and that it's okay for a guy to harass her? That yes means no? That love starts with malicious, dangerous, hurtful acts and that this is the foundation for a healthy, lasting relationship? 

I'll be honest. I don't read too much paranormal romance (and as I understand it, this is where the main problem lies) but what I have read is disturbing. What I read about it is disturbing. And what I see in women and young girls that I know is disturbing. And you, as a writer, have the power to enforce this disturbing trend or to help break it. 

ON RACE & NOT UNDERSTANDING

So I had planned to do a double post about the awards I've gotten (which, by the way, I just want to say I am oh so very flattered that I've gotten them from you lovely folks out there) and friendship via the interwebs, but there's been something else on my mind so I'm going to do that today, and then give out awards and thanks and friendshippy posts later on in the week.

I generally don't comment on the great whirl wind of stuff that takes place in the blogosphere, because usually there are people who are much better at articulating what I want to say, so I let them say it and nod sagely in agreement. The discussion on white washing book covers is one that I have not weighed in on with my own opinion but a recent conversation with a friend that had nothing to do with book covers and everything to do with race prompted me to want to have my say and so here it is.

Color has never been a defining part of my life. I grew up in a home where religion was more important than where you came from. My mother is Moroccan, my father is African American. My mother grew up poor - her mother used to boil coffee over a fire place and when she had seizures as a child, no one knew what was wrong with her or had the money to care. My father grew up in an America that was racially divided so much that he joined militant civil rights activists to try to fix it. When my parents separated my mother married a Pakistani man. I have family in France, Canada, Italy, Egypt, and Pakistan. Some of my closest friends are from Haiti, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan and Bangladesh. My life has been rich with color of people from all over the world, from all religions and walks of life.

And I can say with all honesty, that this has only served to make it better and more full. It has never served as a way to judge the people that I meet, or rank them or affected my view of them, if only to make me better understand their viewpoints because of culture. The idea of judging someone based solely on their country of origin or ancestry is so far removed from my understanding as to make me laugh. And laugh hard. The idea that someone is less marketable, less accessible or less appealing because of the color of their skin stops me stop in my tracks go, "What the frak do you mean, my color doesn't sell?"

Because, really, what the frak does that mean? I. Don't. Understand.

I understand the outrage at telling someone that their race doesn't sell. I understand because I lived with a father whose life was defined by racism, who fought against it most of the years of his life, and who, to the day he died, was still struggling with what the institution of racism had done to him. My mixed heritage has saved me and condemned - most people can't identify where I'm from. And it allows the worst of people to show - I've heard some of the most horrific things about people, my people, from people that I thought I respected. My scarf puts me into a category - I am oppressed, I am ignorant, I am too weak to rise above the confines of an archaic religion.

But I am none of those. I never have been. Because of my mother. Because of my father. Because of a family that has gone through so much I am strong and I am proud of that strength.

So I do understand. I understand what it feels like to be on my side of the fence - to be categorized and judged and told 'You're not good enough to sell'. But I do not, and will never be able to understand saying that to a person that is as real as me. I will never understand thinking you are worth something because of chance. I will never understand people that live in a world divided, instead of joined by, color. I will never understand not being able to see the beauty that is race and culture and religion and how it has created a world that is so beautiful even when it manages to be ugly.

O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. (surah 49, verse 13, al Quran al Kareem)