There is a man who comes into the office every few days - he's a FedEx dude, I believe - and is fairly friendly. Not bad, skeevy friendly, but genuinely friendly. Says hello and good bye and always wishes me a 'blessed day' and says it all with a smile. Today, as I was walking out of the office to go to a meeting (that was not mine to go to, but as the faithful work-study, I go where I'm told), he said 'Sister, it's so nice to see women who dress the way you do.' I smile because that is the polite thing to do. And for those of you that don't know, I dress fairly conservatively. Headscarf, long skirts, long sleeves - that sort of thing. Oh, but the FedEx dude is not finished! 'It's so refreshing,' he continues, 'to see modesty. Those other women! How can they blame us for treating them the way we do when they dress that way!'
Excuse me.
Allow me to make something incredibly clear. The way I or any other woman dresses, is not your problem. The only way that you are allowed to treat any woman is with dignity and respect. If her way of dressing offends you, look somewhere else. There's the sky, the ground, a brick wall and that sign on the corner. Also, the way that you're going. You could look where you're going. Not at my skirt or my headscarf. Not at her shorts or low cut shirt. Not at the stiletto heels or flip flops or monkey covered socks.
The way that you feel, the way that you act: you are responsible for that. Not me. Not her. Not them. You. I will not be an excuse for your actions. Not now. Not ever.
If you are disgusted or offended or disillusioned by the way a woman dresses, lower your gaze. It is not an excuse to verbally or physically assault her. It is not an excuse for disgusting actions. The way she dresses is her business. Your business is to control yourself, your mouth and your actions.
However that makes you feel, deal with it. Suck it up. Stop blaming women for making you uncomfortable. Stop trying to justify horrible crimes and blaming someone for enjoying the way they look. My only responsibility when I wake up in the morning to get dressed is to make sure that I'm comfortable with the clothes I'm wearing. Not that the world is comfortable with what I'm wearing. And the way I dress is most certainly not a way to assuage your conscience or make you feel comfortable enough to look at me.
Stop looking for excuses and start thinking. Before I bust the windows in your face.
