Yesterday I was reading a story by that a classmate from my writing class wrote (wow...that is an awful sentence). Anyway, if you follow my twitter you know how mean I can be when reading these stories - usually because I leave them until late at night, and I'm tired and grumpy and don't want to be thoughtful. By and large, my classmates are really talented and I should be nicer. (This is my saying that I will try.)
Right. So this story. It was pretty amazing. And I didn't even realize it. It was thoughtful and insane and left me dazed without even trying. And I didn't even realize it. The story was about a girl who had gotten the job of her dreams, right before graduating. The next morning she wandered around in a daze, not sure if it was what she wanted and why she had spent four years working towards something that she wasn't as interested in as she would have liked.
This story could have flopped completely. But it didn't. And it shook me up because even though I don't have a job offer, and it's not the end of my four years, I still have this feeling of 'What exactly is going on in my life?' And even though most of me knows, there's this little part of me that's struggling to come to terms that I'm actually kind of an adult and big stuff is ahead of me. I've never really known exactly where I'm headed with my life. And then, all of a sudden, I know. I want to be in the English honors program, and get my PhD, and be a professor and this could all happen in...oh...six or seven years. Which isn't very long considering how very fast the past two years have gone.
I don't like feeling like I'm careening head first towards a choice that I'm completely responsible for. Except that's exactly what's happening. And I have no idea how to make it slow down so I can breathe instead of being kept breathless.
TOO FAST, TOO FAST