I usually don't blog on Saturdays, but I'm not studying either, so I figure, why not, right? I'm sitting in my friend's room, blasting music, and staring at a scene chart that was going so well until recently. I've been staring at this scene chart for the past two days. I've been trying to restart The Scion for the past two weeks. Up until a couple of minutes ago I had no idea what my deal was.

Then it hit me: I've been slumming in the ghetto of self doubt. -faints in shock-

I'm not one to doubt my writing abilities - and I don't say that to sound braggish or pompous. But I've always firmly avoided self doubt because it's crippling. It's so crippling, in fact, that some writers become drug addicts and alcoholics to drown it out. So I block it out, and just write until I send my work to betas. Then they send me comments and I improve my work,  because I know it's in me to make the work better.

And while this isn't the first time I've been hit with self doubt, it's the first time its been so insidious. It took me two weeks to figure out that it was burrowing its way into my skull and blocking the Muse and the Voices. But now that I know? Now I can fight it, now I can do breathing exercises and now I can look into the mirror and do corny self confidence exercises. Because, self doubt is a writer's worse enemy. Too many commas is fixable. Too many adverbs is fixable. Run on sentences are fixable. Not having faith and trust in your own ability to not only write well, but improve (always improve) is something that will stop you in your tracks. It makes a difficult occupation nearly unbearable.

So do what you have to. Listen to self esteem cassettes, sing your own praises, have lengthy conversations with yourself. But whatever you do - never,  ever lose faith in your ability to write well and to improve what you may not have written so well!
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